The Grand Tour 2.5: Episode 3 Shepherds Bush

Apologies to all of my loyal readers (both of them) for the delay in the publication of the next episode of TGT2.5 but I’ve had to do a lot of work so TGT2.5 Blog was put on the backburner.

Shepherds Bush was the next destination for TGT2.5. Very close to Loftus Rd which is the home ground of Queen’s Park Rangers (QPR) which were my brothers’ team when TGT2.5:1 was a kid and we lived in a village called Pebmarsh which is down the road from Lavenham. Lavenham you say? Lavenham also goes by the name of Godric’s Hollow. Yes, that’s right Harry Potter fans, I used to live down the road from Harry Potter’s parents. Everything, as I’m sure you’ll agree and as TGT2.5:5 continually reminds me, revolves around Harry Potter and she appears to be right.

I digress. TGT2.5:1-5 often feel like an invading army when we arrive at friends’ places to stay. There are usually only 1 or 2 people in the house and when 5 noisy Australian Clog Wogs steam through the door, I imagine it can be rather overwhelming. Arriving at Toni and her son, Baxter’s house, was no exception. In we piled and in an instant the living room was filled with bags and backpacks, wifi codes hunted down and coffee pot put on. Situation normal.

Toni has done a fabulous job of renovating her house and we have stolen many ideas from her when it comes to house design (fingers crossed renovation will happen after we return from TGT2.5, donations to that cause gratefully accepted). Toni’s house is a terrace and she has squeezed a lot in such a narrow house in a very stylish way. TGT2.5:2 worked with Toni when we lived in London 15 years ago (bloody hell where did that go?) and we’ve stayed with her previously so we were looking forward to seeing her and setting up shop in inner-ish London.

Shepherd’s Bush is a great base in London. On the Central, Hammersmith and City and Circle lines and not as Australian as I remember. That’s a good thing. Maybe that was the next suburb over, Acton. Anyhoo, it’s an amazingly cosmopolitan place and to be honest, I love it. Very busy though and perhaps a bit too busy for TGT2.5:3. He’s said that before about big cities which surprises me a bit as he is such a skateboarding fanatic I assumed he would be the ultimate urban fella. Apparently not. Loves the concrete and the steps but not the population density and also loves being in the bush.

Being so close to the centre of London let us see quite a lot of things pretty easily and we tried to be edumacational for the TGT2.5:3-5 rascals who are obviously not in school. That meant going to lots of museums. Before that though I had a meeting with an academic, Rachel Aldred, from the University of Westminster to try to set up some research partnerships. Rachel does cycling research and to be frank she’s a bit of a champion. Hopefully we’ll be making use of her research in Aus soon. She has just published some encouraging results from mini-Holland schemes in outer London. Look em up.

Before we went to the museums we went to the SkyGarden just round the corner from the Great Fire of London Monument. The SkyGarden is pretty spectacular actually. It’s at the top of a skyscraper in The City (called the Cheesegrater according to TGT2.5:5), opposite the Shard (or The Carrot (TGT2.5:5 again)), near the Gherkin (the Pickle (TGT2.5:3) or Olive (TGT2.5:5)), and the Walkie Talkie (don’t know who said that). The SkyGarden includes lots of plants inside an enormous glasshouse which you can walk all the way around. The views are pretty stunning and of course, we could make out the Tower of London all the way down near the river. It was difficult to convince the kids that for hundreds of years the Tower of London was the tallest building as it looks positively tiny now.

After the SkyGarden we wandered down to the Thames to tick off one of the things TGT2.5:2 has been very keen to do: a walk along the shore of the river at low tide looking for Roman/mediaeval artefacts. It was pretty easy to get down to the river but the bit which looked most promising for foraging involved traversing a very narrow stretch of wobbly concrete with a big chain hanging off the wall beside it. Slightly unnerving and not a great parenting moment watching as the only thing stopping your children falling into the Thames being good balance and an ancient rusty chain. We all managed to get across safely and promptly met up with another forager. She had been on a course run by the London Museum and had permission to collect items. We, on the other hand, did not. Didn’t stop these descendants of convicts!!! (One was sent down for nicking £40 of bedding and the other one nicked some candlesticks if you must know.) She was very friendly and helpful explaining all the mediaeval, Roman and various other bits and bobs we found. Fascinating. Perhaps too fascinating as by this time the tide had well and truly turned and the narrow bit of concrete with chains was even narrower and getting narrower by the minute. Still TGT2.5:2 chatted on with the Forager.

Yes, that’s a bit of a Roman roof tile.

Narrower.

That’s a bit of an Elizabethan pipe

Narrower.

That’s a bit of a mediaeval bowl

Narrower.

FFS!!!! TGT2.5:2 DO NOT DROWN YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!

Reluctantly TGT2.5:2 took heed of my protests and we headed back to the now remarkably narrow wobbly concrete and chains escape route and we made it back to safety and headed up some steps to the street. It was only at this point every member of TGT2.5 confessed to almost falling in and being washed away and would have done so if they didn’t have a good hold on the chain.

And you all thought TGT2.5:2 was the responsible one. Shame on you.

After that we decided to take the safe option and cross the river over London Bridge (despite the long and interesting history of a bridge in the location of London Bridge, the current bridge is pretty dull). So over we went in order to cross back over Tower Bridge. It wasn’t amazingly amazing but despite living in England for 3 years in London we had never been over Tower Bridge. So over we went and wandered past the Tower of London, which looked much bigger close up. We had been to the Tower when we were in London 7 years ago so we didn’t go in this time. However, we showed TGT2.5:3-4 traitors gate and hinted that a similar fate might befall them if they didn’t stop fighting. Crikey that’s been a pain. TGT2.5:3 and TGT2.5:4 could bicker for Australia. Tiresome and ridiculous.

The other museum visits included the Natural History Museum (sold to TGT2.5:3-5 as one of the scenes in the Paddington Movie) and the British Museum. Now as I’m sure all those parents among you know, attention spans of 8, 10 and 13 year olds can sometimes wilt in the face of an enormous museum so at the British Museum (wonderful central court space BTW) we grabbed the very helpful British Museum Top 10 guide and headed off to see the Rosetta Stone (TGT2.5:3 “why did they write it in those languages?”, Sutton Hoo haul TGT2.5:4 “I want that helmet”, Incan turquoise mask TGT2.5:3-5 look-alike competition, Egyptian sarcophaguses, TGT2.5:5 “Do you think we can look inside?”, Lewis Chess set TGT2.5:5 “they look like the Harry Potter chess set”, Vindolanda TGT2.5:3 “Why would you write a postcard? On wood? From there?”, Easter Island statues TGT2.5:3-5 look alike competition again.

See, we didn’t even complete the top 10.

They have moved the Diplodocus in the forecourt of the Natural History Museum and replaced it with the skeleton of a blue whale. Just as amazing as were the various other exhibits. The animatronic T-Rex was a bit roboty but still lifelike enough to put the willies in you if you thought for a few seconds about one of those chasing you. Headed up to the geology section as well and tried to recreate a few earthquakes for fun.

After that, or before, or around, different day, I don’t remember, we were in Trafalgar Square, having a coffee in St Martins in the Fields vault café (love that place), then we were heading down to the Tate Modern. We crossed the street behind Nelson’s Column and we heard a kid say:

“G’day Ben”

WTF?!?!?

Of course in a city of 8 million people, we had bumped into Austin, one of TGT2.5:3’s classmates. Austin, his sister and mother who had arrived only 4 hours earlier and were over for a holiday. We convinced them to spend the day with us and we headed off to the Tate Modern (mixed memories as TGT2.5:2 had the bike she cycled on across Asia on stolen outside the Tate Modern and good memories of Ben crawling up and down the Turbine hall as an baby). The Tate Modern is an extraordinary place, but also TGT2.5:3-5 had run out of puff and appreciation of kulcha so we quickly wandered through. It was good for TGT2.5:3 to have a bit of teenage company as obviously hanging out with his parents for such a long period of time is at times destroying his soul. So he recharged his batteries and got to say things like “Don’t even trip, dog” in the appropriate context and actually be understood.

On one of the other days (they are blurring into one) we headed up to Portobello Rd, the market there and an amazing skate park, Bay Sixty6, for TGT2.5:3 to let himself loose for a while. He wasn’t very happy about us hanging around so we were banished for an hour or two while he kickflipped, 1080 shoveit-ed, ollied, etc etc, TGT2.5:2 did manage to get a sneaky photo in when he wasn’t looking.

After that TGT2.5:1,2,4,5 wandered along the market and had some extremely yummy food and TGT2.5:4 started kicking around a soccer ball with one of the fellas he bumped into. Love the world game if only for that reason. A curious phenomenon of fishmongers in vans and stalls seems to be occurring all over the place and TGT2.5:2 tried to take a very touristy photo of a fishmonger stall on the street while standing in the doorway of Sainbury’s only to get a very firm rebuke from a cashier:

“We DON”T do that sort of thing here”

TGT2.5:2 briefly retreated with her tail between her legs only to return very soon after to catch a sneaky photo. TGT2.5:2 will not be denied.

TGT2.5:3 then returned from his skateboarding expedition after further topping up of his teenage batteries which also included meeting some fellow skateboarders from France, Australia and Austria. Ahhh, the international life.

Don’t even trip, dog!!!

After all those things it was then time to head to Cambridge and Leicester to visit some friends. More on that in Episode 4.